Geotheoshmeo-ology

"Oh no..."

"How corrupt is this Tim Cross? Another nasty secret?!?"

That may be what you're thinking, but take heart - this is a good secret! It's still a strange one, but hopefully this one will at least get one response, so I don't feel so awkward about posting it.

First thing's first:

***WARNING***

The image shown below may be considered grotesque by some individuals, particularly those who are unaccustomed to the sight of blood

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Keep scrolling (I just didn't want it to appear right on the home page)










In 2003, I broke my arm in a break dancing move gone wrong:














Pretty nasty, eh? Needless to say, my arm was never quite the same again after that incident. Fortunately the injury itself didn't hurt at all - not even one snitch, as Kathryn would say; however, as the initial weeks of recovery went on, it became apparent that something wasn't quite right with the nerves in this disfigured arm of mine. It seems as though, in order to make the necessary repairs, doctors had to mess with some of the nerves in my arm, resulting in strange consequences.

You see, nerves are the communications system of your body, right? They tell you what you're experiencing, and they also tell your limbs to do the things that your brain (or just "you") wants them to do. When nerves get damaged a number of things can happen; they might:

1) Stop working completely - e.g. total loss of sensation in the affected area; paralysis
2) Communicate false messages - e.g. when you touch your nose you "feel" like you're touching your cheek
3) Become very sensitive to touch - e.g. even soft touch feels like pain
4) Heal over time - depending on the extent of the damage
5) Other stuff (I guess...I'm tired of thinking of things)

My break led to mostly numbers 3 and 2, in that order. Although I sometimes experienced bizarre sensations - water dripping on my arm when I was laying in my completely dry bed, for example - the worst of my nerve damage was the super-sensitivity to touch. Anyone who knows me well would know that if you were to touch my left arm gently, basically anywhere between the elbow and thumb, I'd squirm or writhe in discomfort. If you were to grab or hit my forearm - which Kathryn did absent-mindedly about 4 million times - I'd probably squeal, shout, cringe or curl up like an army worm in pain. It's hard to imagine for somebody with normal nerves, but this is not an issue of mind over matter. When your nerves tell you that you're experiencing pain, you ARE experiencing pain; it doesn't matter what you know in your head!

This condition continued without any noticeable signs of improvement since about 2003.

Now for the confession: about a month ago Kathryn and I went on a trip to Goose Bay with the youth group. It was just a regular kinda youth retreat. Anyone who grew up in the church knows the deal: 1 or 2 services a day, games in between, special speaker, instant pre-teen romances, etc. Anyone who's been to a weekend retreat also knows that, for some mystical reason, the Saturday night service is almost always the "best". I guess it's because the initial excitement/distraction of being in a new place is over, and there's no real time restriction, and the speaker saves their best message for then... who knows all the reasons.

Anyway, that night the speaker dude shared about a particular thing that he had desired for a long time and prayed fervently for; that is, the (infamous?) Baptism of the Holy Spirit. To make a long story short, it was only on the night that he finally decided, "Ya know what God? I'm not even going to ask any more; you'll give me this when you're ready, and I'm not going to fret about it. I just want to worship you!" that he finally received the baptism; the very thing he'd been longing for. Don'tcha love happy endings? (No, he did not die at that moment).

Before I proceed, here's some more background information for my story:

When I was in first year university I had my metal plates removed from my arm. At that time I went through a fairly earnest period of prayer during which I frequently asked the Lord to heal my nerve damage and even to remove my scars! I don't know why, and I don't need to know why, but he didn't. I wasn't too upset about it anyway, because it was generally just a mild inconvenience (until someone touched me of course).

Back to the retreat: after buddy shared this message I decided that it was a great idea to just go up and worship God just because of who he is: namely, God. I was kneeling, and then standing at the front and singing/praying my lil' heart out when Kathryn came along and prayed for me. She was standing in front of me and holding my hands or something while praying, when a strange thing occurred: I felt a crazy tingly sort of feeling in my hands, slowly working its way down my forearms. I didn't really know what it was, but it was nice. I had the thought in my head that I was being "rebuilt". I prayed for a little while more and then moved back to the front row of pews and sat down next to Kathryn.

Before long I realised that my left forearm felt different. I poked it a bit and it didn't hurt. I got Kathryn to touch it and it didn't hurt. I got her to grab it and it didn't hurt.

Weird!

It still doesn't hurt, and I check it every day. I check it every time I think about it because I'm still in disbelief.

I wasn't even praying for healing that night; in fact, I felt like I'd more or less come to accept my nerve damage and moved on. Yet for some reason it seems that God saw fit to heal my nerves in that moment. I've only told two people about this so far (until now), but I've had a couple of verses come to mind lately that have prompted me to share it with a broader audience (assuming that more than 2 people read this blog):

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths.

Matthew 10:32-22 [Jesus says] Whoever acknowledges me before men, I will also acknowledge him before my Father in Heaven; but whoever disowns me before men, I will disown him before my Father in Heaven.

Anyway, I've already had a few opportunities to tell people about this - non-Christians and Christians - but I just haven't been able to speak up... too afraid of what people will say or think I guess. But man... my nerve damage is gone. And it happened while I was praying/being prayed for. It's awesome. I'm checking again right now - feels good!

Sooner or later I'll have to start acknowledging this before people in person, but I thought this would be a good first step... ease into it, ya know?

Mark 6:56 And wherever he (Jesus) went — into villages, towns or countryside — they placed the sick in the marketplaces. They begged him to let them touch even the edge of his cloak, and all who touched him were healed.

There's something I've been meaning to tell you (to quote Pamela's blog title) for a long time, and I don't know why. To clear my conscience, I guess... last night at church we were given some time by Pastor Elaine to "just listen" for God's voice during the service, and I felt in that moment that I needed to make this entry right away. This is a really difficult post for me to make though...

To begin, here is a picture of me from February, 2008:



Yep, that's me. I'm not embarrassed about my hair in this image, by the way; I love that. I'm embarrassed about the fact that I'm merrily holding a bottle of beer in my hand, and clearly it wasn't the first one I drank that night. Seriously, I *cringe* when I see this picture.

It was the second night of AUGC - the Atlantic Undergraduate Geology Conference - in Dartmouth, NS. A bunch of us went out to a local pub (Halifax side), where a fellow geology student bought me a few drinks, followed by a few more at another place in the same area. I tend to accept just about anything when it's free, but I'm so disappointed in myself when I look back at that night and realize how poor my judgment was in accepting as many as I did. Before going out I was thinking I'd have a couple anyway, because I'm generally not opposed to that, but my judgment really went downhill quickly. I ended up going home pretty late that night and having a nice little puke before bed (lovely, eh?), followed by a deep sleep, right on through the morning events of the conference.

Bad choices... to lots of people this photo probably looks like it just represents a good night out. And to be honest, it was a good night out in many ways; I enjoyed the music at the pubs, the conversations and songs shared with friends, the small amount of dancing I did, the onslaught of sleet that we stood in while waiting for a cab (well, not so much). But I knew when I woke up the next day that I had done something really out of line. When I returned to school I resumed my role in ACF (Acadia Christian Fellowship), including leading worship occasionally and my involvement in small group Bible studies.

To my horror, I soon found out that a friend had posted this picture (among others) on facebook just days after the event. Kathryn knew what I'd done on the weekend (I had called her the next day), but I don't think I told any of my other friends. I was hoping for one of those what-happens-in-Halifax-stays-in-Halifax situations. Only my friends in geology really knew about the whole situation, which to most of them was quite a surprise; after all, I wasn't known as a drinker. I thought about asking my friend to remove the pictures; of "untagging" myself so that they wouldn't show up under my name; of just ignoring them and hoping nobody would notice... but of course people notice these things. That's what facebook is all about!

The fact is, the man (boy?) in those pictures is me. I hate to say it, but I made some bad decisions that night and I got drunk, plain and simple. Not while I was a "baby Christian" either, but while I was involved in leadership and everything... looking back, I honestly can not understand or explain my actions that night, but what's done is done.

So there's my confession: an explanation for any who have seen those pictures and thought to themselves, "Tim looks a little... odd... there." I regret it, sure, but I know now that that's the last time I'll ever be drunk, as long as I live. I have no need to drink like that, because I know that it's just a cheap way of escaping "reality"; however, reality isn't something to escape from when you understand that there's a God who forgives and who overlooks our weaknesses. If only we as Christians could all be as gracious and forgiving as Jesus himself, then there would be no need to fear others knowing who we "really" are, or have been.

A big part of Christianity is accepting people for who they are, including their weaknesses, and helping one another work through our faith. The church is the group of people with whom we share our burdens and joys, people whom we know we can seek support from. It's not meant to be just a building where we have to hide our struggles while singing songs of praise and listen to sermons.

This is me: a sinner at heart, but forgiven, thank God.

Still, I would rather never see that picture again.

Church is a funny thing. Rather, the church is a funny institution. Here are some thoughts:

Criticizers of religion often say that one of the big downsides about religions is that there are too many rules. Within the church, however, it is countered that the "rules" are there to protect us from harm; that, in fact, these apparent restrictions actually give us freedom (from consequent guilt, hangovers, venereal disease, etc. not to mention eternal damnation).

Yet, why does it still seem that many church-goers are not the most "free" people out there... we're often known more for what we don't do than what we do; we're not really allowed (by our parents' rules or our personal convictions) to go to certain "locations" (yet we are called to be lights in "dark" places), and it always *seems* that the people outside the church are having fun and freely doing what they want to.

One line that I hear a lot, concerning a Christian life/witness, is that "people will see that there's something different about you, and they'll want that for themselves." Most of the time, however, all the world sees that's different about us is that we don't: get intoxicated (=fun for many people), have sex before marriage (=fun for many people), gossip (=fun for many people), go to parties, etc., etc. Or, even worse, we hold these things up as ideals but don't really stick to them, thus propagating accusations (justified) of hypocrisy.

I think that a part of our problem is that we've falsely bound ourselves to certain rules and doctrines that have been created by men. Why were these rules created? Probably with good intentions - to protect the flock, for example - but with not-so-good results. The fact is, the rules make us feel secure in our faith when we're complying with them all, when the reality is that Christian faith is all about doing, not not-doing.

Lots of religious/political leaders throughout world history have been quoted as having said versions of the Golden Rule; however, Jesus was the first to take it and swing it into action mode. Rather than NOT doing what you WOULDN'T have done to yourself, Jesus said: "DO to others as you'd have done to yourself." This doesn't mean that, because I dislike getting punched in the face, I'll get a passing grade for not punching others in the face. It means that, because I know that I myself love it when people go out of their way to do something kind for me when they know I've had a bad day/week/month, I will go out of my way to do a kind thing for someone else who's in need - even if I can't stand them, or they punched me in the face last week (which I disliked!).

Another one: Jesus said to love our neighbours as ourselves. This is interesting, because it too is a call to action. How so? Well, our whole body is set up to tell us when we need food, when we need shelter, when we need to fight for survival and so on. This is how we "love" ourselves - ensuring that we are taken care of and in a good state of fullness, comfort, etc. In the same manner, we are to treat the needs of our neighbours as our own, as though meeting their needs is just as essential to our survival as meeting our own! At least that's how I read it.

I guess this is where we can kinda come back around to the fun issue. I think that, for one thing, the things I was talking about in the two preceding paragraphs are impossible to sustain without a dependence on God for strength - especially doing kind things for the jerk that regularly punches you in the face. But once they are being done, in God's strength, there is a certainty that what you are doing, although not always as immediately pleasurable or gratifying as getting drunk and fornicating, is truly fulfilling and meaningful. If we, as Christians, stop at not-doing and never get to doing, we lose out on the fun of heathen debauchery AND the satisfaction of a life of service to God and others. Being caught in the middle ground is certainly not living the abundant life that Jesus spoke of, and it's no way to have an effective witness...

...is it so hard to maintain an online journal?

Maybe it's a sign that it isn't a natural thing and ought to be avoided. Like a trap; ever feeling like you've gotten yourself into a situation in which are trapped and you can't avoid the eventual outcome? Fortunately, as illustrated in the picture below, despite my natural lobstery instinct to crawl into this trap, I was too big to get inside:



Kathryn and I had a great Christmas break. Actually things have been really good for the most part even since being back. Perhaps we're starting to settle in more, or maybe it's largely due to the fact that Kathryn now has a full-time job that is a little bit longer term (until the end of March) and that she enjoys. She's working at the library in Wabush as a youth intern... apparently youth = 18 to 30 years old in this province. I guess people take a long time to grow up around here or something.

We went out and cut ourselves a Christmas tree one day, back in mid-December. A coworker of mine lent me his truck and axe, so we went out like a madman & madwoman and cut down the first suitable tree we saw. Then, after driving another couple of kms, we saw an even more suitable tree and cut that one down too. Oh my... sorry, environment. Here's a photo of me from that expedition:



Life is different here, that's for sure. We've all been happy about the warm weather lately, cause it's only around -20 with the windchill; surprisingly, that does actually feel really good when you've been through a couple weeks of -50. In fact, I went outside to do a bit of maintenance on the car yesterday just because it was so warm. My hands were numb by the time I finished checking the air pressure in all my tires and filling up the low ones, but it took like 15 minutes for them to go numb!! That's awesome compared to the usual 30 seconds.

Lastly, I want to share a thought that I had last night while hanging out at our friends (Kim and Damian's) place. It was this: love can be defined simply as the giving of oneself to another (person, activity, or thing); therefore, the measure of love that we have for something or someone can be directly correlated to the amount of time that we spend on that thing. If we just kept a log of the things that we spend time on or the people that we spend time with throughout each day, we could pretty easily demonstrate where our love/commitment lies. I think so anyway, don't you? These are the kinds of things I ponder as I sit in comfortable seats like the one below (in Hall's Harbour) and reflect on the deeper things of life:

Hey.

There are two books which you must read. I wouldn't even hesitate to say that God may have directed you to this blog at this very moment in order to draw your attention to these books:

1) The Shack - fiction, based on a man's encounter with God following a tragedy in his life. Very interesting perspective, goes along well with how I feel a relationship with God is meant to be.

2) Revolution in World Missions - Kathryn and I have owned this book for years; thanks to Jean-Marc for actually letting me know that it's good and telling me to read it. I started it today and I'm on chapter 7 or 8. It's incredible how out of touch Westerners (us) are with the real world; that is, the "Third" world, the rest of humanity.

Both of these books are about how radically wrong we can be in our relationship with God, our perspective on the world, and living out Christian faith. Warning: if you read these books, your life will probably have to change.

I, Tim Cross, am a junior geologist, or geologist-in-training if you prefer. I've been married to a beautiful woman named Kathryn for about a year and a half now. We live in our "new" townhouse in Labrador City and usually spend our evenings at home with each other, helping out with Youth Group, curling, or being involved in some church function or social event. I really enjoy playing guitar and studying Christian faith and sometimes other faiths; the latter mainly for "academic" interest/comparison.

Tim Winsor is a friend of mine who moved to Labrador City about 5 months ago - one month after Kathryn and I did. He's also got a fairly new bride, and they live in a brand new minihome just a few kilometres away. Nothing in this town is more than a few kilometres away, except for the exploration properties owned by the company we work for (IOCC, typically refered to as just IOC: the Iron Ore Company of Canada). Tim is an engineer-in-training, is a couple of inches taller than me, quite athletic - more so than you might expect when you first meet him - and also a devoted Christian. Tim's married to Melissa, a teacher.

Matthew Woodworth, a Field Maintenance Team Leader at IOC, is the most newlywed of all the guys in what I guess you could call our group. He's a technical kinda guy who's really interested in how things work, and he seems to be pretty competent at fixing them; thus, he's probably in a very appropriate role at work. He seems to work a lot of overtime, which I bet is kinda hard on him. I know I wouldn't like that much, but he hasn't got much of a choice because the continuing operation of the mine relies on his work on a daily basis. Matthew is a really talented musician and singer, and has a wicked beard. His wife Molly is from the States and is a hair stylist (and probably all kinds of other titles that people who like to make other people beautiful are called).

Troy Burton is yet another very talented musician who lives in Labrador City and works at IOC, currently as a heavy equipment operator. He's been a bachelor for a while, but everyone has been excited lately to see a relationship blooming between him and a nice young lady who works for one of the provincial airlines. Troy can be pretty hilarious, but I can't say much else about him because I don't know him very well. Usually when we hang out it's at larger social events, or playing the local favourite board game, Settlers of Catan.

Adam Higdon isn't one of my closest friends, but he seems like a really nice guy. His wife Erin just gave birth to their first baby today, and it was a really desperate situation for a little while. Things got a bit complicated with the mother's health and there were a lot of prayers lifted up today, and God delivered a (premature, but healthy from the sound of things) 3 lb baby girl with a full head of black hair. This is going to be a huge period of change for them, but I bet their relationship with one another is really going to grow a lot as they embark on this journey together. Also, Adam is a pretty versatile musician, but I don't want to sound like a broken record here, calling everyone talented musicians.

Why on Earth am I telling you all this? Isn't it kind of weird that I'm sharing all of these details online for the world to see? There is a reason... and there are many other young men with similar situations in this town, hundreds of which I don't even know. But I want to make this real for you, because this is what I've been thinking about today, and what caused me to almost break into tears during the Last Post (that is, the military song, not my last livejournal post).

You see, it's hard to understand what it really means to honour the victims of war and to appreciate the sacrifice they made for our country. I've never felt so strongly about all this before, but it all hit home for me today. Me and all of these guys I mentioned... if a world-wide war was to suddenly occur, and new recruits were needed desperately, we would be the ones best suited to go.

We already have our lives. We have our lovers. We have jobs that pay well and houses that we're comfortable in. Some of us have brand new babies, and all of us have friends here (although I'm still working on that one!). We're not looking for a new job with the military, but what if we were called upon to defend our country, in a legitimate war that threatened the peace of most of the world? Can you imagine?

I bet that going through training would be an okay time. We'd probably even grow closer to one another through the circumstances. We would miss our girlfriends, wives, kids, etc. for sure, but it wouldn't be so bad...

But the day we made it to the trenches, the front lines... the day that we rushed out onto the battlefield, looked to our left and saw Matthew collapsing from a gunshot wound to the leg, looked to the right and saw Adam being blown apart by an enemy grenade. Then we would understand the pain and the sacrifice. Not a long-ago, far-away situation that we pause to remember for one minute each year, but a life-changing reality for all of the people that were wounded, killed, or left behind to receive the bad news. The people that died in those wars had their lives too, and we'll never really be able to understand how it felt for them or their spouses to leave home and go to war, some never to return; many others to return, but never to be the same again.

I don't know why this all became real for me today, but in a way I'm glad it did. I appreciate the sacrifice more, and I think it may even lead me to appreciate my own life more and to be grateful for the people and things that I have in my life. I hope that this is some sort of an inspiration to any who read it as well.

Lest we forget.

Yo,

Good to see some responses and to hear from all y'all. And no, I don't really say all y'all now, and nobody does in Newfoundland & Labrador; it just came out. I'm sorry.

To give an update on how things have gone since last post, which was about a month ago:

Money: Kathryn got a job with elections Canada and ended up making a good bit of money there, so that helped out a lot. Our chequing account has been in the green since then, although technically our credit card debts still exceed that balance. But that's alright, 'cause we're covering all of our basic groceries and living costs without any worries.

On the money note, does anyone else feel like they couldn't care less about the "financial crisis" that's happening in the states and possibly all over the world?

Friends: Still kinda weird in this issue. Weekends are kind of the best and worst of times. On the one hand, it's great because we both have time off and we can hang out together, stay up late and sleep in and such. On the other hand, it always feels like weekends are the time that we're most aware of how emotionally distant we are from others... maybe because, at the events we go to, even when we hang out with lots of people, we never really get to know them. Sometimes I feel like just sitting with the people who we've been hanging out with for months and asking, "Who ARE you? Tell me something real about yourself. What are you dreams or goals in life? What's your testimony? What significant events have shaped your life?" etc...

Faith: I've been thinking about Christian faith, spirituality, and religion a lot lately, as I mentioned before. I've been thinking specifically about why we, as Christians, just don't do the stuff that we want to do. The apostle Paul goes on a crazy rant about that in Romans 7:14-25, right?

It's not about *doing* wrong, per se; more like *not doing* what is best. In fact, the more that I think about it, the more I realise that "sin" (literally, to miss the mark) is actually NOT doing what is best. To not always do the very best thing is to miss the mark, or miss the point. And this is why every human is utterly incapable of living a sinless life: not because we're unable to stop doing all obviously bad things, but because we just don't have that willpower and strength to always do what we know is best. If I find myself even thinking about whether something is "right" or "wrong", sin or not-sin, then I'm actually missing the whole point.

The point (of life itself even) is to know God and to make him known. He created us (let's not get into the specifics here) in order to know and relate to us. Unfortunately, it seems that in giving us the freedom to choose whether or not to love/obey him (for love is obedience (John 14:15), we've all figured that there are better, more fun and satisfying things to do. This is deception, but it really can be convincing. Yet the greatest goal we can strive for is still to know God again. Other pursuits are vain, unless of course you believe this life really is it, in which case it's totally natural to pursue present-day pleasures as the goal of life.

Back to knowing God - I think there are a few ways this can be done: prayer, scripture, and through others, perhaps in order of importance. If we know God, it will naturally follow that we trust God, and we'll share his love. I want to know God. I want to trust God. I feel like I know him to some extent, although sometimes it's on about the same level as many of the friends I have here; that is, there are moments when we meet in which I feel kind of awkward and don't really know what to say, because, although I know the by name and can recognize him or her, I haven't spent enough time or gone deep enough with him or her to truly relate. This is my spiritual goal right now: to know God, on a personal level.

There are three simple phrases that I think of often that affect my daily life:

1. "Perception is reality" - who are you really: the person YOU think you are, or the person that EVERYONE ELSE sees? If everyone else sees you in a certain way, perceives your attitude and actions as portraying a particular kind of worldview/beliefs, chances are they are seeing the "real" you, and you are deceiving yourself into thinking you're a certain kind of person. Perhaps 'wishful thinking' is the appropriate term.

2. Belief is action - if you believe that something is true, you will act on it. If you do not act on your beliefs, then they aren't your beliefs. You may *want* them to be your beliefs, but they aren't. Once you come to this realisation, you must make the choice: will I change/give up my beliefs, or will I do what it takes to strengthen them, in order that I might naturally act in the way that I want to?

3. To know God is to trust God - This goes back to my comments above. It's a basic principle of relationships, whether with people or God: the first step to trusting anyone is knowing them. If I don't trust God, I don't know him. If I knew him, I'd know that I can trust him, for he is the only one that I can certainly trust every time, guaranteed.


...Well, it seems that Paul isn't the only one who goes on crazy rants about his beliefs, although his are recorded in canonized scripture, whereas mine shall only be displayed in the realm of LiveJournal.

To those of you in a similar situation (Mike & Emily, maybe others), perhaps this strange time is God's way of saying, "Take some time and get to know me now. You have no excuses, you're in __________ (isolated place) and you have no friends! Come on, b'y!!"

This has been a hard month.

Maybe it's partially because of the fact that my life's been divided into four-month terms for the last few years, one of which would have been ending and another beginning around now if I was still in school. Part of it is definitely a lack of money... surprisingly, eh? I thought that was one thing we could count on when we came here; that we'd have enough money to get by and pay off some loans and stuff. Turns out that with all of our living expenses we've been pretty hard pressed, often ending up with a negative balance in our chequing account by the time my next paycheck comes in. And we're still living pretty much as frugally as possible... that's the weird thing.

Anyway, that's the money thing.

Additionally, we haven't really become close to anyone here, although there are a few possibilities. It's hard to become close to new people though... as soon as you start to reveal your "true" self or want to do something that isn't just fun and superficial, it seems to make others uncomfortable. That was the worst part of the last few weeks: we were having a hard time and we couldn't think of a single person that we could go to for prayer and support. I miss that about university.

I've had so many thoughts on Christian faith lately there's just no way I could put them all down. I'd have to say that despite the hardships and generally blah-ness of the last few weeks, my faith in God is stronger than ever and I'm convinced that - as Reg Maillet said to me one day long ago, when I didn't have a clue why he'd be thinking this about me - that God has great plans for me. I know that I can't just live this normal life of working and making money and paying bills. The gospel isn't just that Jesus died so we can be forgiven from sin and have eternal life; He is here now to set us free from bondage and purposelessness in this life. Purposelessness: nice word, eh?

Anyway, maybe somebody will respond to that... besides Nicole. Thanks for responding to my last post Nicole!

Now that I'm out of the habit of journaling I'm finding it really hard to get myself to do it again. It's like responding to emails from friends; even though you really want to, until you sit down and do it it seems like it's going to be a bigger task than it is. But it's always rewarding to have good correspondence with friends, isn't it?

Life has really changed for Kathryn and I in the last few months. It's pretty different, being out in the full-time working world - even if not so much in reality, definitely in psychology. What I mean by that is just that, even though life itself isn't super different, the fact that you know you're not living in 4 month terms anymore is different. So far we haven't really set any life objectives, so we're not even sure what we're working towards, other than paying down debt and whatever we do in the short term. On one hand I think it would be good to set some objectives, since that might provide some motivation to work extra hard towards something and eventually feel that reward. On the other hand, I set short- and long-term objectives all the time at work and I don't really feel like treating life the same way that I treat work. Does anyone else have concrete life objectives that help motivate you?

I have a lot more to say, especially about theological type issues that I've been thinking, talking, reading and praying about lately, but I'm going to start small and make this little post. I'll get around to the other issues sooner or later. Keep me on track!

In the meantime, check out some photos of our new home/life:

Sold!!


Ours is the middle one:


Kathryn with our little Cobalt. Yes, those are big dead bugs on the front fender:


Me in the barren lands, doing my favourite rock pose:


A calm morning at Kathryn's family's cottage in Harvey Lake, NB:

If anyone responds to this within a couple of weeks, I'm going to start posting again... I've got a few things that might be worth saying.

Once upon a time, I received an offer to go to Labrador City and work as a co-op student for a company called the Iron Ore Company of Canada. I accepted the job and decided, in the weeks before my departure, that it would be nice to keep a blog of some sort to keep in contact with my friends. That was in November of 2005, which is about 2 and a half years ago now...

Unfortunately, however, it seems that the LJ community - as far as it concerns my friends and I - is going the way of the komatiite flow; that is, it hasn't occurred since the Precambrian, when the world was hotter and more chaotic; that is, people other than myself don't seem to be posting much. And what's worse is that I'm not even really receiving any responses to my posts.

As such, I'm on the verge of retiring my LJ account. I'm just about finished with my Acadia degree, I've finished a thesis, I've finished reading the Adventures of Sherlock Holmes and I've finished playing the first and last Final Fantasy games. Why not finish my livejournalling as well?

...almost...there...

I wrote a poem the other day. All you need to know to understand is that DCS stands for Dr. Clifford Stanley, my thesis supervisor. It goes like this:

Edit, edit, edit
Edit, edit, edit
I do it all day
I do it all night
Because DCS said it
Edit, edit, edit

But only for another couple of days! Mostly, anyway.

How are other peoples' lives going, anyway?

I don't like doing my thesis.

It's not fun!



I've really enjoyed my degree up until this term... especially the last few weeks.

Does anyone understand this situation?



The other day, I thought to myself, "Maybe I should just make it my goal to fail my thesis."

But then I thought, "If my goal is to fail, though, and I fail...haven't I succeeded? And if my goal was to fail and I succeeded, haven't I failed? But then my goal was achieved once again, because I failed... so I succeeded!" This train of thought went on for about five minutes.

Things are not looking good for me mentally.

Dreams 2 and 3 were quite a bit shorter, but remained just as vividly in my mind and relate to the first in some way, perhaps.

Dream 2 occurred in my home church: Glad Tidings Pentecostal Church in Moncton, NB. Not that I was actually sleeping in church when I had the dream; that's just the setting of the events that took place in it.

Basically, I was sitting in my normal seat, on the right-hand side, about halfway from the front (and back, of course). The service was just about to begin when this rough around the edges kinda guy came in and took a seat in front of me. I'm not sure why he was even there, because all he kept doing was shifting around, looking uncomfortable and making sarcastic remarks about the lyrics in the songs or the things that the pastor said. He didn't even appear to have come with anyone.

At first I found this guy really annoying and distracting, of course. After about halfway through the sermon, however, I noticed that he had completely stopped the obnoxious behaviour. In fact, he was paying close attention to every word that the pastor was saying (which I don't remember). After a short time, he actually turned around and looked at me, his eyes full of tears, and asked, "when is this guy gonna stop preaching? I just wanna go up there and get saved!"

I couldn't believe my eyes and ears, the way the guy had had such a sudden turnaround. So that's another one of the three, and I guess the lesson that I've learned from it is: don't think that anyone's heart is beyond God's ability to change.

----

Dream 3 took place in a location that didn't really have any significance to me... somewhere on the outskirts of a town or something. I don't remember much, other than the fact that I got a phone call from a friend of mine, saying something like, "Tonight's the night! Jesus is coming tonight!"

Obviously, when I received this call I was pretty skeptical. For one thing, I didn't think that there was any way a person could know that the rapture was going to take place at a specific time like that. I also wasn't even sure what the rapture was really going to be like, so I had doubts about what we would experience even if it did happen tonight. My friend had told me that it would be occurring after sunset or something, so I decided that I'd go to a place where I'd have a good view of it, just in case.

Shortly after dusk, just as the sky was turning a dark shade of blue, I went up to a hill that was located outside of town. My friend was there, as were a number of others who had heard about the supposedly upcoming event. It really felt silly, actually, mulling around at the top of that hill, waiting for something that seemed so unlikely. As the last bit of light was dwindling on the horizon, however, a bright flash occurred, like an explosion on the horizon. Within an instant there was an enormous object of pure white light hurtling towards us (for those who play Final Fantasy games, think Holy magic!). Less than a second after we had first perceived it, it was above us; not a single white object, but a huge host of angels illuminating the sky, and Jesus at the centre of the group.

I don't remember exactly what I saw, but what really stuck with me were the feelings and thoughts that passed through my mind in that moment. I thought of friends of mine who I had never even talked with about my faith; other friends and family who I knew would be taken up with me that night; the terror of knowing that I was about to stand before God and be faced with the decisions I'd made in my life. The overwhelming combination of joy, terror, hope, regret and panic is basically what woke me up, and I think kept me up for quite a while that night.

Thus ends the recounting of the Dream Trilogy. I hope that somebody has been encouraged, intrigued, freaked out or something by these dreams. If there's anything that you feel compelled to say in response to them I'd be happy to hear it!

As you've probably noticed, posting has been pretty scarce lately...I guess that's what happens when I'm already writing every single day for my beastly thesis.

Nevertheless, the time has come to make a real post! I'm going to tell you about three dreams that I had a few years ago, all within a few-month period. I can't actually remember exactly what order the came in, but I'll just tell them as they come to mind.

Dream 1:

I was in a huge relay race. At least I thought it was a relay, though my whole team was running side by side, so either it wasn't an actual relay, or we were just really bad at following the rules. Anyway, this was something like an Olympic event, consisting of teams from every nation in the world. Oddly enough, it was also happening on the very street on which I grew up!

As we got close to my house, the team decided that it was time for a break. There was a pit stop at my neighbour's place, in her garage, so that's where we went to get some water and recuperate for a minute. Somebody suggested that we all sing the song "Our God is an Awesome God" together, just for fun. I like that song, and it seemed like a good time to sing (isn't every time?), so someone gave the starting note and we began singing together.

The race involved quite a lot of people, of course, but I noticed as we got around to singing the chorus the second time through or so, that there was no sound of running anymore out on the street. In fact, all I could hear was...singing. Lots of people singing. I stepped outside and looked up and down the street and the sight overwhelmed me; to the left and to the right, as far as the road stretched on, everybody had stopped racing and had their hands lifted, singing "Our God is an Awesome God" - each in his or her native tongue.

It was awesome. I think I started weeping.

That's actually a pretty decent length of post just on its own, so perhaps I'll wait and post the other two dreams another time... I've often wondered about this dream though. I still become overwhelmed with that tingly feeling when I recount it. I feel that it was, in a way, a kind of call to missions, world service, or that sort of thing, yet I've never known how to respond to it.

What do you think?

Hi.

Anybody reading this lately? Or wishing there was something to read?

So I guess those of you who responded to that last post are curious to hear the explanation of why I wanted you to give me your thoughts on those objects... well, it's not that complicated. Basically, last Friday or so (the 30th of November I think it was) I got an offer to work full-time for the Iron Ore Company of Canada in Labrador City, NL, when I graduate. Pretty big decision to make.

Anyway, later that day Kathryn either called, or was called by, her friend Lindsay who's currently doing a DTS (Discipleship Training School) with YWAM (Youth With A Mission) in Orlando, Florida. Lindsay's one of Kathryn's most beloved friends and a tres cool girl, and at one point in the conversation she said something like, "Oh yeah - a couple of weeks ago I was praying, and some words came to me for you guys, particularly for Tim; they are [you guessed it] a waterfall, a pickaxe, and a big strong pine tree."

When she said this, I thought to myself, "That's kind of odd...those are all things that remind me of Labrador...the waterfall one was a bit confusing to me, but Kathryn said that when she heard waterfall she thought of Churchill Falls, the big waterfall (turned hydro station) a couple of hours from Lab City. Pickaxe, of course, made me think of mining and big, strong pine trees are all over the place in the north, including the Lab City area.

Anyway, I figured I'd just throw those words out and see what other people thought of when they read them.

Turns out that after a lot of talking to people and praying and so on we decided to accept the offer, so Kathryn and I are moving to Labrador on May 5th, 2008 to start a new adventure together! It's pretty crazy...our flights were just booked today and the moving company even called to touch base and talk about arranging a cost estimate later in the winter. Crazy... but kind of exciting.

Kathryn and I both have so many ideas about the future, and to be honest going to work for IOC wasn't really up there on the list. But the offer is good, and I think that just working for a little while will give us some more time to think about what we want to do in the long term, without having to deal with the constant changes and stresses of school (especially school with a thesis).

So there it is. Time to go study for my finals, which I'll be done writing tomorrow!!

Cheers, mates.

Hi. This is going to be short:

It's very important to me that if you are reading this, you tell me what comes to mind, individually or collectively (or both), when you read the following three things:

A waterfall

A pickaxe

A big, strong pine tree

Just tell me what you think about them. Thanks!

I'll explain later.

I think I just set a new record of non-posting for myself. I have something that I want to ask everyone about though.

This last few weeks, during the strike especially, has been a very confusing time for me. I really have a lot of crazy ideas in my head about what I want to do in the future, but I just don't know which one to pursue. I thought I'd just throw out the question: what can you picture me doing for a living?

Just give me a thought, anything: garbageman, youth pastor, doctor, lion tamer, actor, guy in a band, geologist, ninja, etc... whatever you think.

Thanks!!

Yesterday Jean-Marc and I were both at an ACF leaders training sort of session, and we ended up going to a side room and having a chat about leadership, and how things have changed over the years. I guess in a way we both feel like we're getting tired of leading, and we miss the days when we could just follow and go along with the flow.

Part of this has been because of my involvement in the Fletcher (geology) club. I'm president of the Fletcher club at Acadia, and it seems like most of my efforts to get people involved and do fun things have just ended up with no response whatsoever... I don't really know what to do, because I feel like I ought to keep trying since I am the president, but I don't just want to waste my time. Why do you think people are so hard to motivate? This is totally the case with Christianity in general too, where we go to church all the time and pastors are trying to motivate us to do certain things, and be certain kinds of people, but it's just so hard to get off our butts and do things.

Tomorrow a few of us Fletcher folk are going to Joggins to check out the fossil cliffs, so that should be lots of fun. I was hoping we'd get a larger group, but it is Thanksgiving weekend, so I suppose lots of people went home; in a way it's good, cause a smaller group is much easier to plan for logistically, and cheaper. I think the next big event on the agenda will be a hike to Cape Split!

And to close, here's an old picture I took of a mushroom. I like it: